


Letters I Never Sent

by honeybun



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: Fix-It, Fluff, Graves drinks wine sometimes, Graves is a mess for his darling Credence, Love Confessions, Love Letters, M/M, Requited Unrequited Love, Sharing a Bed, Stargazing, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-29
Updated: 2017-01-29
Packaged: 2018-09-20 17:38:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9502724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeybun/pseuds/honeybun
Summary: Percival Graves had made the sensible decision to not tell Credence how he felt. He had made his way to Paris on a business trip, leaving Credence safely behind in their home. He'd thought the distance would be good for them, a letter a day, no more, no less.Some letters he sends, some end up crumpled up in the bin.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Español available: [Letters I Never Sent](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9935645) by [thelittlemooncalf](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelittlemooncalf/pseuds/thelittlemooncalf)



> Hello <3 
> 
> A completely new fic - a little idea that didn't leave me alone until it was 4am and I had a ridiculously sappy bit of prose. 
> 
> Find me on tumblr @ weepingstar
> 
> ***Letters not sent by Graves are in italics***

 

~~~

Dear Credence,

I’ve arrived at the Paris Magical Congress safely, I hope that Ms. Delaney from across the road is checking up on you like I asked her, I told Effie the house elf to let me know how you’re doing as well so… there’s that.

There’s lots of patisseries here I’m sure you would like, lots of fancy sweets I’m sure you’d love to try. It would be nice if you were here, I- well, I know I told you it was best if you stayed safely at home, I still think that, ~~I just miss you~~  - I just think that it would be nice for you to visit - I’ll take you here one day, would you like that?

Anyway, I’m gone for only a week at most, maybe I’ll try to firecall you soon. I know you don’t like the grate but - well, we’ll see.

Sincerely,

Percival Graves

 

 

  
~~~

_Dear Credence,_

_I don’t know what it is about being far away from you, but it seems that as soon as I stepped into the streets of Paris all I thought about was how I wished you were here with me._

_Every interesting street corner, every shop, every restaurant was a place I could have taken you or shared with you or bought you something and looked in your eyes to try to trace a certain emotion I wanted to find and maybe I would have succeeded._

_I’m close to writing down all my encounters to recite to you on my return, make it as if you’d lived it with me, so I can sponge away the time I had to spend apart from you._

_I know I’m being overprotective, overbearing, having both a nosy neighbour and a diligent house elf look after you. I never wanted to make you a ward on anyone else’s watch, believe me. I enjoy you solely being my responsibility far too much._

_There’s no good that can come from sending letters like this, so I won’t. Call it an exercise in unrequited love, write a love letter and never send it. Sounds like great fun. Note to self: this wasn’t even a love letter, must try harder._

_Percival Graves_

 

 

 

~~~

Dear Credence,

I’m sorry for my last letter, very formal you say? I’m not used to writing letters to anyone but my colleagues. Terribly sad isn’t it?

I’m afraid my morning letter writing was postponed so this will be arriving a little later, hopefully you won’t be worried.

I’m getting ready to go out for an event at the Ministry to welcome all us foreign delegates, which is dead set to be dreadful. Someone always drinks too much wine and embarrasses themselves and the entirety of MACUSA. If I have any terrible stories for you, of course I will share them in my next letter.

I hope you’re sleeping well, if you have nightmares, my medicine cabinet holds some Dreamless Sleep, remember it’s one teaspoon only, please be careful not to take more. In fact, have Effie make sure you only take a small dose, or even ask her to firecall me first. It can have bad side effects if you take too much. Anyway. Look after yourself.

Best,

Graves

 

 

 

~~~

  
_Dear Credence,_

_Everything is fucking awful. My fucking alarm clock didn’t fucking work and then I was late and all I could think about was oh, it would be so much easier if you were here. You would probably have a coffee in hand, pretty as anything at whatever Godless hour in the morning, you would know if I’d slept in, would probably knock quietly on the door, let yourself in and whisper that I should get up. I probably don’t tell you how much I appreciate things like that, I probably should say more often, tell you how I feel. Aw, hell, I don’t know how I feel. Something’s been nagging me, you’re always swirling around my head but there was this one thing in particular..._

_Once a few weeks ago you and I were standing in the kitchen while you tended to some flowers I’d bought you, a whim, probably stupid, whatever. I hadn’t noticed that some of them were already wilting, was annoyed at paying through the nose for some shitty, dead roses. You started pouring water into vases anyway, arranging the stems with their droopy heads. I said, “What’s the use in watering dead flowers, huh?” You laughed and you told me that they weren’t dead, just in need of a little love. And fuck if you weren’t right, right about it all. I said to myself the same thing, what’s the point in nursing this stupid fucking ache in my heart for you when there’s no chance, what’s the point? And another part of me would say that it could happen, just wait a little longer, just try anyway, it might work out, just pour water into a vase anyway, give it a shot._

_Anyway, I’ve been thinking about that a lot, I’ve had a lot of wine, I fucking hate wine. I won’t send this._

_Graves_

 

 

 

~~~

Dear Credence,

My post keeps getting interfered with, but this one should send alright. I was happy to receive your letter, it’s good to know Ms. Delaney is a good cook and a patient teacher, but if she’s to say another word against your raspberry tarts then send her home. I won’t have it, my boy.

No interesting stories from the other night, I’m feeling a little under the weather, possibly the winter chill getting to me, I’m sure I’ll be over it soon.

I managed to get a little time away from work today to wander around the shops, I have a little something for you that you might like, hopefully.

I’ll try to firecall if I can, I know Effie said you’d be by the grate at 7pm, so, I’ll be there.

Anyway, see you at 7.

Graves

 

 

 

~~~

  
_Credence,_

_The first time I bought you a present, something ignited in my gut, apparently a wildfire can burn for months, crackling in the grass and just waiting to ignite, and that’s exactly how it fucking felt to me. I tried to charter the depths of your stormy grey eyes and figure out what you were thinking in that moment, surely it wasn’t just me, no? It can’t have just been me. That’s when it started, I thought it would just be a game, but it’s the furthest thing away from that now. I could go anywhere and still see your face, I could be a hundred thousand miles away and still think I hear you whispering in my ear, quivering lips and breathy, “Thank you Mr. Graves, you’re too kind, too good to me.”_

_And I am miles away, fucking miles and a fucking shitty boat or portkey away and I still can fucking see that look in your eye when I hand over some little pretty thing for you, **my** little pretty thing. I’m haunting Paris’ streets because I’m without you, absolutely fucking listless, useless, what have you done to me? I didn’t care before you, I could have lived anywhere, done anything without a thought, and now my first and only and last and most important thought is **you**._

_It could have been the glint of the flames in your eyes but when I sent over that little silk scarf for you I swear I could see something, I need to see you and look at you and then I’ll know, can’t take this wondering anymore. Even with only a few days under my belt and several bottles of wine I want to be home with you. I always thought I was the strong one, I was meant to look after you, made for it, Credence. But after these last few days I’m wondering if it isn’t you that’s constantly holding me together and not the other way around._

_I’m not sending this one either,_

_Graves_

 

 

 

~~~

Credence,

I was happy to see you in the fire last night, I hope I didn’t seem odd, sometimes the flames can confuse the connection… Anyway, I’m pleased to hear from Effie that you’ve been doing well, seeing Ms. Delaney regularly… sorry I’ve stuck you with that old bat, you handle her very well.

Effie says you’re spending a lot of time in my study, I hope you’re not bored are you? I can have a little something arranged, if you would like? Let me know.

I found a service which transports a particular wizarding patisserie's goods all the way to America, hopefully this letter will arrive with a select few treats I’ve picked for you. Cheer you up a little in your boredom. I hope to hear your thoughts on them soon.

I’ll have Effie arrange another firecall with you, if that’s agreeable with you too…

Graves

 

 

 

~~~

_Credence,_

_The firecall last night was so terrible in that in confirmed all of my suspicions. Firstly, that you are the most beautiful thing in all creation. Secondly, that I love you with all my heart. And thirdly, I am terribly bad for you._

_Thinking of you holed up in my study makes my heart grow ten times bigger, an awfully possessive creature such as myself shouldn’t be allowed to meet an angel like you because I want to hide you away from all the prying eyes in the world, keep you locked away safely just for me. It took a week for me even to persuade myself to have Ms. Delaney come over and check on you, did that only because my care for your safety only just outdid my own need to keep you under lock and key._

_I asked if you’d have liked me to arrange something for you to do, at the same time I pray you say no, I cross my fingers and squeeze my eyes shut and hope you say to me that you’re only interested in leaving the house if it’s on **my** arm, yearn to hear you say how you don’t care about anything or anyone else but being with **me**. I know my love for you is making me mad and covetous, I know my love is a terrible monster you would look under the bed for if you were a little boy again._

_I have never loved before and I don’t intend on doing so again, I will take the marks on my soul, shaped exactly like your fingertips, across the veil with me. This tragedy of love will stay with me until my death and I wouldn’t want it any other way._

_Your Graves_

 

 

 

~~~

Dear Credence,

I’m both happy and unhappy to hear you miss me. I, of course, miss your company, too. My colleagues leave much to be desired, are of course not as charming and engaging as you. I would love to hear what you have been reading in my study, seeing as you declined to tell me over the grate last night. Effie says you’ve been acting a little morose, I hope you’re not catching something? I’ve asked Dr. Figgis to pop round tomorrow anyway, just for a check up, I know you wouldn’t like to call him yourself.

There’s a small antique shop across the street from my lodgings that I could see you spending hours in, I may have seen a little something a little someone might like, wait and see.

Also, thank you for the alarm clock, it’s been wonderful in getting me up on time. Very good of you…

It’s only been a few days although it feels like a century or so has passed. I will be happy to be home, with you, Credence.

Graves

 

 

 

~~~

_Credence,_

_I spent up to an hour and a half trying to find secret meaning or code in deciphering your letter to me, just a few paragraphs had me at my whits end. What did you mean by saying you miss me? What on Earth are you thinking?_

_The possibility of you being sick delighted me at the same time as threw me into a spiral of panic. I was delighted that I might have the chance to wait on you hand and foot like several times before, look after my precious ward who so sweetly asks for my company, while also barely restraining myself from ordering a portkey back to New York immediately._

_This trip has solidified only one thing: my love for you demands and consumes everything._

_I have tried to keep myself in check for your own good as well as my own selfishness - so I can continue to be your guardian and care for you, I can admit now that this isn’t a sustainable idea. I have to know what you think and how you feel. I know you won’t have similar affections but I hope to ask you if you could. If I gave you time._

_I think constantly of how I could form a very comfortable life for you, I am a selfish, selfish, greedy creature, I know. I will give you everything you want regardless of if you return my affections or not. I just hope that in talking to you on my return I can persuade you to think of what we might have together, or persuade you to humour this terrible and twisted man in accepting a terrifying offer to endure me anyway._

_Your Graves_

 

 

 

~~~

Dear Credence,

I wonder why you’re so secretive over what you’ve been reading in my very own study? Shall I start guessing? Don’t tease. If you refuse to tell me what you’ve been reading, then I suppose a special gift for a certain someone might similarly be withheld until further notice, hm?

Teasing aside, Dr. Figgis reported back and told me that you were perfectly fine if just quite overtired - Effie didn’t tell me she’d administered any dreamless sleep though, have you been avoiding taking it? I would rather you have some medicine than being unable to sleep, Credence. I’ll discuss it with you again when we next speak, meetings and more dinners out mean I’ll be kept from the grate for a little longer tonight, my apologies.

Today at lunch we were discussing some sort of trans-atlantic partnership - I’ll tell you about it another time when you desperately want something to bore you to sleep - and there was a couple across from our table that reminded me of our own lunchtime meetings. I look forward to taking you out when I return again, I've made reservations at The Rose Club, where you enjoyed the pavlova after our soup, do you remember?

The night sky here is slightly more visible at night than in New York, still quite impossible to see the thousands of stars that are really there, but nice enough that I know you would enjoy it. Have you been stargazing in my absence?

Graves

 

 

 

~~~

_Wretch that I am, I thought that I loved you months ago, but since my separation from you I feel that I love you a thousand times more. Each day since I knew you, have I adored you. More and more and more until I couldn’t ignore it._

_I can’t ignore it now, it’s dripping and spilling over like tea from a cracked pot, it’s completely out of my control because my hands are shaking on the tray and crockery is crashing down._

_I imagine myself and you, although at completely different times of the day, looking up at the moon, at the stars, at the same time. I always think of you when I do so, how could I think of anything else?_

_One night when we had been gazing out into the night sky, our dinner finished and the conversation slowly and comfortably had come to a stop as you’d looked deep into the cosmos and I had looked at you. You tilted your head to the side, and asked me something so extraordinary, I’d already written it down in a journal before writing it here. You said to me “can wizards live on the moon?” you’d laughed at your own funny little question. Still wanting to know the answer though, of course. I had shook my head, as usual wishing I knew the exact mechanics of your mind so then I could fit myself there, could hide where previously a gear had been turning. I’d asked you “would you like to?”_

_You’d smiled, I think all your years of not having a soul to talk to freely had made you happy to have such a terrible companion such as me. You said “I don’t think so, if I lived on the moon I’d miss it shining, wouldn’t you?”_

_Now, I’ve always been in awe of you, even before I realised it. But o_ _f all the stars, Credence, you are the fairest._

_Your Graves_

 

 

 

~~~

Dear Credence,

Not long now until I am home again, you sounded terribly sad over the grate - I asked if anything bad had happened and you avoided the question. I know it isn’t good of me to pry, and if you avoid the question once more I promise to drop it - but is there anything wrong? Please write back to me as soon as you can.

I will be very happy to leave Paris, even though it is a beautiful city with a lot to do and see and taste, it isn’t quite enchanting me at the minute. Perhaps in my old age I have become too much of a creature of comfort, does that make you laugh? Think of me like a large cat who likes to remain in front of the fire all day and only move for meals.

I have asked my hotel whether I could arrange to use their two way mirror to contact you, I know you’re becoming weary of the grate. I’ve sent word to Effie to have you waiting at the large mirror in my office around 8pm.

Also, enclosed is my sovereign ring, just a foolish thought of mine that you might wear it until I am home, just so I can feel some part of me remains with you there in New York. I know that I would like to be there with you, if it is silly or uncomfortable then please don’t bother wearing it.

Yours,

Graves

 

 

 

~~~

_Dear Credence,_

_I’m glad I hadn’t drunk enough a few nights ago to send that letter, any of the letters. I don’t know how either of us could recover from my terrible confessions._

_I think if I had done what I’d planned in that letter, if I had returned home, demanding to know what you thought of my obtuse and overbearing feelings I would have scared you away forever. And my life without you is like what looking at the night sky would be if you took out all the stars, the sun, the moon, it would be jack shit._

_So, I make a new promise, a promise to look after you, provide for you in whatever way you see fit. But my sacrifice will be to martyr myself in my love, I won’t say a word, I’ll keep my distance as I rightly should._

_It isn’t letting anybody down if no one knew about my plan, no one but myself and the waste paper basket in my room which now houses several crumpled up letters much the same. Neither the basket nor myself ever had very high expectations of me anyway._

_My consolation prize will be to live in the shining light you emit._

_Forever, your Graves_

 

 

 

~~~

**Dear Credence,**

**A quick letter to let you know I am coming home a little earlier than planned, almost an entire day infact.**

**I had originally planned to arrive in the evening, but now I will be back ready for breakfast with you, portkey permitting. I almost hope you don’t receive this letter in time so that I may surprise you.**

**Hearing your voice last night has made me worry that you’re unhappy, so to examine you for myself I’m making my way back now, and of course it will be good to be back in your company again.**

**Yours,**

**Graves**

 

 

~~~

Sleepless for almost an entire week, moping around the house and staring forlornly out of the window which looked onto the street, as if Graves might just appear suddenly, had not done Credence much good. Some say.

Holing himself up in the older man’s study, and reading pathetic romance novels which, if anything, made him feel worse. Not only pathetic in his embarrassing and all-encompassing love, but just _lonely._

With his Graves swinging between sweet and tender, giving him gifts and having pastries shipped all the way from France as if it was nothing. To being some kind of byronic idiot who would write the most lovely things to him and then barely be able to meet his eyes in the firecall he, himself had insisted on! The two way mirror conversation they’d had was less strained because Credence didn’t have to temper his facial expressions quite so much, never quite as clear as a firecall or as close. Didn’t have to pretend he wasn’t missing his Mr. Graves so terribly that he’d taken to _sleeping_ in the man's bed, even if he couldn’t sleep it was a comfort to smell the man all around him. He'd sworn that he would be awake at the crack of dawn to wash the sheets even though Graves wasn’t due to arrive home until the evening.

Credence had especially thought up what he would make him to welcome him home, thought of how he would finally have his Graves back and under the same roof as him, looking after him and being looked after in return. He'd planned an elaborate dinner to show just how happy he was for Graves’ return, hoped that Graves would somehow read between the lines and please, please, please, see how he loved him.

The sleepless nights Credence had been experiencing had entirely crept up on him, causing the poor boy to sleep in for much longer than usual, the absence of an alarm clock led to the inevitable.

 

  
Graves’ weary boots scuffed the floor of his entryway, the morning bright and cold and crisp. Although early, he was a little surprised to not be welcomed warmly by his little love ( _Credence_ , he amended in his mind). And instead, for Effie to be the one to take his coat and shoes for him. When asking where Credence was, Effie lets Graves know he’s in bed, and Graves’ panic upon not seeing the boy in his room is catastrophic, although he wouldn’t, of course, usually intrude on his bedroom, he just wanted to check, just quickly, make sure he was breathing and sleeping peacefully. And thank God he did, Graves thinks, because otherwise he wouldn’t know that Credence is _**missing.**_

Upon calling Effie to bring his boots so he can go search New York from top to bottom for Credence, Effie does not do as she is told. She once again tells Graves that Credence is in bed.

“ _Yours_ , Master Graves.”

“Oh.” says Master Graves.

And low and behold, upon entering his own suite of rooms, Graves finds an angelic, peacefully sleeping, not at all in danger or fear of death, Credence. Tucked up all cosy and warm in bed. His.

_In Graves’ bed._

 

 

Now…

  
That’s a little difficult to compute. Graves stops the car crash that’s happening in his brain and takes off his waistcoat, his belt and his socks. He moves to his side of the bed and slowly lifts the covers, carefully, carefully situates himself under the sheets. After all, he thinks, it is his bed, and it was Credence’s choice to be in it. Graves allows himself a terrible thing, he slowly inches closer to Credence, eventually laying with his warm chest pressing against Credence’s back. He is so close he can see the delicate flutter of Credence’s lashes as the boy dreams. He wraps an arm around his boy’s chest and finally presses his face into the mop of hair poking out of the duvet. Graves can just about see Credence wearing his signet ring where it’s balled up next to his mouth.

 

  
Credence doesn’t awake with a start like you might expect, Credence wakes with a bone-deep satisfaction that only comes when you’ve had a glorious night sleep, and find yourself wonderfully warm and cuddled close.

_Cuddled?_

Credence’s breath catches as he realises a number of things at once: he’s being held close, by a man who is most likely Mr. Graves; therefore this means that Graves knows he was sleeping in his bed and also that Credence’s life is over; lastly, that Graves is the most comfortable and lovely bed partner, and he won’t ever be able to enjoy it again because he’s fucked up by sleeping in his bed without permission or invitation. This particularly melancholy thought process is halted by Graves, who is _so_ close to his ear and speaking directly into it, giving Credence goosebumps. 

 

“I missed you,” Graves mumbles over the juncture of his boy's shoulder, bravely nuzzling his face into the side of Credence’s neck.

“I missed you, too,” Credence whispers back, breath hitching a little, words just loud enough to be heard, definitely stashed away by Graves and saved forever, so he can recall this moment in the movie theatre of his mind whenever possible.

Credence finds Graves’ hand, resting against his collarbone after snaking up his chest, reaches his fingers to twine with Graves’, squeezes tightly and is squeezed back just as hard. 

 

Credence tells Graves he'd been lonely all week, said he's not lonely anymore now Graves is finally home. Asks quietly if Graves will stay, Graves is silent for a little while, nods his head, squeezes his hand once more, 

"Forever." 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Graves is a big baby for his Credence <3 I didn't really like my ending but I had to get this out of my system lol ~ hope you liked it xox


End file.
